Kia ora

Winston Peters (NZ Foreign Minister) is wrong. Obviously, the Chinese are descended from Maoris and have since evolved such that men no longer carry handbags around. Thankfully. Imagine having to something Heroic while flying with a handbag over your shoulder. It would ruin my aerodynamics more than wearing my Undies on the outside of my Costume.

Best Mission Ever!

Well over the last two days I have been on a Mission. It was the Best Mission Ever! Unfortunately it was a Top Secret Mission and if I tell you, I will have to kill you. So I will post details of the Mission tomorrow!

Casting Call!

With the demise of more Main and Previously Main Characters in This Season of 24, I have applied for a position on the Cast. Jack Bauer is a choir boy compared to me, a CHOIR BOY!



I reckon I fit in nicely :) You will also notice that I'm in a position to piss on Jack's head if he doesn't do what I say, only problem is getting my undies off from outside my Hero Costume before I do it.

Adventure in Space

This is a bit late because I've been recovering from a Massive Mission. I had to go into Space to follow the Space Shuttle Discovery home. Now this was pretty difficult because I has hired by NASA to fly around the Shuttle while it was still orbiting to check that the orbiter hadn't been breached by icy foam, cane toads, missing Israeli soldiers, or any other potentially catastrophic problems. Actually I went to Prof Ansari's talk last week, dressed up in my Cape, and the Prof hired me on the spot for this mission.

So it was important to get my timing right so that I wasn't exposed to the Vacuum of Space for too long while I did the checks. It's not as hazardous as you might think floating around in a Vacuum, but I am human after all. Well, sometimes. Don't try being sucked into your Vacuum Cleaner at home though. I had to keep diving back into the atmosphere every so often so I would survive my mission, the orbiter is quite big. Anyway all was fine but Mission Control (NASA's Mission Control, I don't have a Mission Control for my Missions) asked me to follow the orbiter down to Earth so I did. I almost had to intervene at the last minute with cloud cover obscuring the landing strip but in the end I wasn't needed at all. Phew. I don't think that I could have saved the orbiter if something had one bad, it's pretty big and heavy. It's not like I'm Superman.

So now Andy Thomas is not the only Croweater to go into space! Ha!

Rocket Man^H^H^HHero

In The Age today, Super Horatio prevents Indian nucular missile test. Last week, I did my best to prevent missile launches by North Korea last week but I was too late. Over the weekend though, the Superhero Intelligence Agency alerted me to another test in my region, in India this time. Again I was too late to stop the launch (damn I love Indian food... why did they have to launch at lunch time?) but I managed to prevent the rocket from staging. Do you know how hard it is to hold a rocket's second and third stages together so they don't separate? When those explosive bolts blew to release the second stage, it almost knocked my glasses off. Thankfully I did enough to cause the rocket's Mission to be a Failure.

Friday Night Failure

I was resting from my whirlwind visit to France the other night when my buddy Tzu Yen had a computer problem so I decided to help him out. Since I was physically exhausted and my cape was dirty from my last Mission, I converted myself into digital form and attempted to recreate myself on his computer. Unfortunately there were some issues with his firewall program and I couldn't get through to his computer!

So I decided I would exploit some existing Windows security holes and creating some new ones (easy!) but it meant that anyone installing or uninstalling any programs on the computer while I was doing this would result in a mess. Eventually I had a hole that I thought I could squeeze through onto Tzu Yen's computer but just as I was halfway onto his computer, it rebooted, my friend nearly killed me. When the computer finished booting I had to start the process again. Then the damn computer rebooted again!! This happened many times over four hours and since I was Very Lucky to still be alive, I decided to Abort my Mission.

I hope that Tzu Yen was able to solve his computer problems. I feel that I have let my friend down, I hope that I don't get a reputation for being a weak Hero for this incident :(

Super Horatio: Miracle Maker

Well sometimes you have to go to great lengths to be a Super Hero. Last night I flew to France where Phil Liggett said the peloton needed a Miracle to catch the breakaway group that led by 30s with 5km to go. So I responded to the call. Anyway it's history now that not only did they catch them with several hundred metres to go, but Aussie Robbie Mac won the stage too. Here you can see me back in the pack after completing my Mission.



After seeing all the cyclists jerseys, I want to get a nice lycra Super Hero Suit to wear.

Shit shit shit

You know what I Really Hate about being a statue of a Pig. The Bird Shit. I mean, being a pig and all by day, shit isn't bad, but the birds just tease you with a little drop of white stuff. If only those bastards had placed my statue somewhere near the beach where the seagulls could crap on me all day long, then I'd be as happy as a pig in ... you know. Of course when I morph into Super Horatio, it's not so cool because then I'd have shit all over my cape and it ruins the cape's aerodynamics. Not to mention the dry cleaning costs, let's face it, I don't have a lot of money. If I charged 50c for every kid that rides me in Rundle Mall then I'd be a rich pig.